Sunday, May 20, 2012

How Tungsten Rings Can Make You a Ladies Man and Ruin Your Marriage All at the Same Time

By Chad Stevenson


Looking to break a finger? You should, there are endless benefits. You'll be a chick magnet! Imagine having that cool neon green cast that everyone wants to sign with little hearts. You will no longer be forced to take out the garbage or do any physical labor at all, just blame your injury. People will be catering to you! How is this possible might you ask? Tungsten rings will help you succeed.

Well I may have stretched the truth. Summer is almost here and you will be wearing a cast. Being that your marriage will probably come crashing down when she realizes all of the random numbers, you might as well head to the beach. Remember, you're wearing a cast. Make sure to wrap that with an ugly plastic bag and look like a total dork. Either work on your muscles or pick up lines, because no girls will want to talk to you. Too bad you had to be wearing your wedding ring the day of the catastrophe.

So you see this beautiful cat, which looks desperately hungry. Your manly, soft side kicks in. You feel the need to tend to this poor animal. You think: what terrible owner wouldn't feed their poor cat. You scramble into the kitchen, finding whatever a cat likes to eat. As the cat approaches the food, you feel pretty good about yourself. Good deed of the day has been accomplished! The cat seems grateful to you, so you lean in to pet it. Bad move guy! This cat is feral and does not want this type of affection. As soon as you lay your gentle hand on the cat's head, your ring finger is in all harsh clasp of it's mouth!

Before you know it, you are traveling to the hospital at top speed. Your finger is swelling to resemble a balloon! They being pumping medicine, until they realize your tungsten ring is preventing the medicine from working! Well you could lose your finger or have them hammer that ring off. There is a slight chance your finger will break, well it probably will break. But these are professionals; they know what they're doing. The pain will be over before you know it.

So about that chick magnet theory, it may just last about a week. Then people will stop feeling sorry for you because you just had to pet some strange cat. Sorry about your broken finger, but this all could have been avoided if you stayed away from tungsten jewelry.




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